This from an e-mail I've seen a couple of times, but thought if I copied it here, I could read it a few times until I remember them, and work them into daily conversation. I have no idea how old this list is - I know MENSA does this periodically, but I'm too lazy to authenticate - and who cares?
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are terrifically innovative:
1. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. (This definitely applies to a certain group of engineers to the north of my location...)
4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
5. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
6. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
7. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
8. Hipatitis : Terminal coolness.
9. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
10. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.
11. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
12. Glibido: All talk and no action.
13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
And The #1 pick is:
17. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.