Saturday, April 02, 2011

If My Animals Were in High School...

... they'd be these kids:


DumbChuck - clearly the dumb jock of the group. Always ready for action, doesn't know he just got done playing, no injury is too much - but will stop mid-thought for a good scratch. Dumb fleabag... You can never play fetch too much, though you do have to remind him from time to time where he's going and what he's supposed to do when he gets there - you can literally hear the light bulb snap on. And do NOT leave an open beer laying around unprotected, or you'll never see it again. Same goes for your manky socks.


Then there's Lucy, who is the high-strung overachiever. By over-achievement, I mean just totally losing her mind any time ANYTHING in the neighborhood moves enough to attract her attention. And god forbid a BICYCLE or MOTORCYCLE should go by - she is bound and determined to drag someone off of one of those eventually... And, she is the master of begging - she never met a piece of food that she didn't immediately scarf down like she hasn't eaten for days. Part bull dog, part sled dog - that's our GSP Lucy Mae - Fierce Incarnate, so fierce she makes herself sick. Except during thunderstorms...


And then we have Monkey, that new cat. She is the dingbat cheerleader, no doubt about it. She loves you one minute, then is attacking you the next. She tears through the room, comes to a screeching halt, looks around, and you can clearly imagine the giggle as she thinks "Where was I going again? Oh, yeah! I have to go swing on the shower curtain, then when my boyfriend comes back in, I'll have to get him into a wrestling match. So until then, I'm just going to cry, cry, cry and tear stuff up!!!! " - zoooommm... screechhh...crash...giggle...zooommm!


And then you have Beanie, who's so laid back you would swear he's stoned. The only cat I've ever had that comes when you call him, he's more dog than the dogs we have. Being the biggest brute in the neighborhood, you'd never know all he wants is his belly rubbed, while he keeps one eye open for those couple of Siamese kids in the neighborhood. He likes napping in the linen closet - he'll knock if you accidentally close the door, and drinks out of the bathroom tap - but doesn't bother to turn it off. He teases DumbChuck all the time, waving that tail around like bait, then looks at him like "You are SUCH an idiot" as he strolls away. But don't let him fool you; he's a mighty hunter, as evidenced by a complete lack of the skinks we used to have all over, and the fact that the blue jays and thrashers are constantly screaming at him when he's prowling out back. In between 8-hour naps, of course.

All of which makes me either the cafeteria lady, the principle, the gym teacher, or the bus driver.... Yes, I AM a fish person; how'd you guess?

2 comments:

Terrie - The Stitch Store said...

Greatest post ever!!!!!

Kassia525 said...

Way too funny!